To update from the last post, Alice’s counts had all come back up on Monday - we were just waiting for her absolute neutrophil count to increase, and it had more than doubled where it was last week so she was able to start treatment on Monday. We’re back at home and settled for our return on Monday next week. It will go ahead - the need for her counts to increase was only necessary to start this next phase of treatment. The only reason they’ll check her levels again next week is to see if she needs a transfusion of platelets or hemoglobin.
Alice has now visited her class this week and last week for an hour and a bit each time. She’s really enjoyed going back to school to see her friends, so we’re going to try and keep this going, increasing time as much as we safely can. The care team at the hospital strongly encourages her to go to school to maintain as much of a sense of normalcy as possible. She’s continuing to love her teacher’s visits through the week for homeschooling too - she keeps saying how lucky she is to have Mrs. Araujo as her teacher - we all feel the same way, Alice!
Despite being home away from the hospital last week, and Alice’s energy levels returning, it’s been emotionally difficult. The down time has allowed more time to be still. No rushing from appointments has caused some quiet. The thoughts come in, and you end up sitting with feelings and all kinds of thoughts, many of which are new and uncomfortable. Alice’s hair has really started to fall out, and every morning needs to be brushed and cleaned up. It’s the hardest part of the day, first thing, staring right at you. Her cancer, starting right at you. We knew that this would come, and we filed it away under “no problem, necessary to treat her”. Now that it’s here, it’s totally different. On the one hand, such a superficial thing, but on the other, such a symbolic transition. It’s not easy and my stomach bottoms out just thinking about it all as I write this. She wants to hang on to her hair for as long as she can, so we leave it, because she wants to. When she’s ready, we’ll give her a trim, and it’ll be easier, but in the meantime, each morning and each day, well, we’ll get there.
If there’s one point I want to remind myself, and as I think about it maybe the timing is good - a friend of mine from work who went through cancer and is two years out of it all now, finally got her hair back to her pre-cancer colour and condition on Friday last week, and she was so happy in the pictures and in the text messages. Great timing, and an even better reminder.